why it’s different.

I’m sorry i don’t think i made myself clear. I am not his mother nor will i ever be, nor will i ever be allowed to forget.

It is more than the suits involved too.

It’s because regardless of you having a social worker, you can care for your children in ways I will never be allowed to care for T.


You can bathe your children. I can not. His traumas make this too difficult.

You can cuddle your children. I can not. He finds this contact far too intimate.

You can take them on holiday. I can not. I have to wait for someone else to sign for him.

You can organise a haircut. I can not. I have to seek permissions every time.

You can have your say in what school they attend. I can not. I didn’t even get consulted.

You can lay in bed with them when they are scared. I can not.

You know their deepest fears and worries.

You know if they have allergies or a favourite food or a favourite place or colour or film or friend or anything. I’m kept in the dark until he lets me know.


I don’t want you to pity me, I love the life i’ve chosen. I love our relationship in spite of the above restrictions.

I know you say it with love, I just want you to understand that of course it’s different. Please don’t tell me otherwise.



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