Flutterings.

I did not write anything on here over the holiday period. I wanted to just live it, you know, without the reflection all of the time. I felt flutters of all sorts throughout the entire holiday and didn’t want to cement my flutterings on here, if that’s all they were. I do want to mark it though. Both days are very big firsts, and both different. I want to remember how I felt in the moment. I also want to share my feelings honestly, hoping they might help others. Below are writings from both days. As they were, as I wrote them, as I felt at that exact moment. Flutterings.

Fluttering one- written 26th December 2016:

And that’s a wrap. Christmas has been wonderful this year, itΒ felt as full as our tummies. I was really hoping it wouldn’t feel broken and like pieces were missing. Obviously there was a lump in my throat most of the day, but we made it. We did it. If we can do Christmas we can do anything. Cheers to everyone, especially you Dad πŸ’•

Fluttering two- written 1st January 2017:

That was so hard. The end of 2016. The year my Dad existed is done. Yesterday I could say ‘this year’, now I have to say ‘last year’, and soon it’ll be ‘a while a go’. I couldn’t see midnight. It was far too awful. I went to bed and was soothed to sleep after manyΒ many tears. I don’t want this year to finish. I don’t want my Dad to get further and further away from us.

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