Do I even want children?

It’s a funny old thing.

Being 27, married, lovely house, two spare rooms, spare money… surely now is the perfect time for a little one?

Do you know what, it probably is. 

But is that because I want it or because society tells me that’s what I want? That’s ‘the next thing’, you know?

I’m really not sure on that one.

And I’ve never been good at following rules!

Something inside of me is saying, don’t be conventional. Don’t have a child because it’s what they want. What they expect. What happens once your married, with a house and a good job. Because it’s ‘the done thing.’ Because everyone else is. why?

Maybe I’m supposed to teach?Foster? Adopt? 

I feel like I am.

It excites me so much more than the idea of having my own and it always has.

The thought that our children could be born now, they might need us now, it breaks my heart. I want to find them and keep them safe and love them and show them.

If we foster we could parent lots of children. Make a difference to lots of families. Support them through life’s struggles, help them stay together.

The idea of this gives me flutters. 

They need us.

Why should I think the only way to truly be a parent is to have my own, because that’s what society is telling me.

I say no.

And not because I can or can’t have my own, but because they exist. They exist in the world. They are here, born, needing me now. 

How can I ignore that? How can I start my perfect biological happy family when they need me? 

In an ideal world, foster care and adoption wouldn’t exist.

These have suffered more hurt than I will ever truly understand.

It’s just not fair. 

I want,

no I need to do something.

Yes okay I hear you, I could have my happy biological children, play happy families for a while and then foster or adopt, but why? 

Because that’s the normal thing to do? Because the only reason we’re put on this earth is to reproduce? Because I won’t find true happiness unless I have my own?

I say bull shit.

I’m not saying it’s for everyone. I’m not saying you should feel guilty. I’m not saying either way is right or wrong.

It’s just right and wrong for me. 

Do you know what, I might end up following the norm. This could all be hot air. 

I could try fostering, it could all be too difficult, too hard, too emotional.

But I’m going to try.

I have to give it a go.

Otherwise how will I know?

I hope this has made you think. And helps you understand where I’m at. 

So that next time you say “it’l be your turn next” you are prepared for my pretentious and well thought out answer.

😉

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2 thoughts on “Do I even want children?

    1. hehe! thank you. I am proud that after writing this a few months ago that we are now fully approved foster carers and are living my exact thoughts and feelings for real. It is nice to know that we are not the only ones with this on our heart ❤

      Like

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