So lots of people are asking how we are, and I am sure many more are wanting to ask but don’t know if they should. So here is a little update for you all…
When people ask ‘So, how’s your Dad?’ I don’t really know what to say.
The thing is I don’t really know the answer.
Last Friday, after tests, the Doctors said his liver was in a bad way and the chemo was no longer helping. As you can imagine this was a massive blow to our entire family. They warned us of what signs to look out for and told us what we should expect. It wasn’t good news.
This was my wake up call.
I obviously hadn’t forgotten all of this was happening, but the dust had settled on it all I suppose. I described it to my Dad as if I was walking along a path, living my life with a massive shadow hovering over me. The shadow was his cancer. I knew it was there, but if I didn’t look back I could forget how huge it was. I’ve lived my life in this way for weeks now. Hearing what the doctors had to say, on that Friday, made me face it all. I turned around and faced the shadow. The shadow was far larger and far closer than when I had last turned my head. It scared me. It stopped me in my tracks and forced me to look.
I knew then that I needed to stop. Stop turning away. Stop living my life like normal, just for a bit. I needed time to face up to this massive shadow in my life. I needed time to take it in.
I didn’t go to work on Monday.
Or Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday.
These days went slowly.
But I had time. Time to think, remember and be there.
I enjoyed having time to ‘pop in’ to my parents house, help out and distract them. But four days was enough. It started to be counter productive, staring behind me all of the time.
By Friday I was ready, to start on my journey again. On the path that is normal life.
And to answer your question….my Dad’s alright you know, he is our walking miracle.
Still no pain killers
Still eating well
Still got cancer
and that’s life as we know it. Our new normal.
Thank you for caring and asking and not asking.
You lot are wonderful.
Happy Father’s Day.